the perfect boy.
i want this boy that doesn’t exist. i’m honestly not even sure if i know what he’s like. what i think i want is so contradictory.
i want him to like to be in charge and make me feel like he’s cooler than me, but i want him to think i’m cool too. i want him to like that i’m aggressive and that i like to be in charge. i want him to be able to keep me in check and make sure my ego doesn’t get out of control. i want him to tease me. i want him to like the same things that i do. i want him to show me cool music and i want him to like the music i show him. i want to be able to have a real conversation about something deep with him. i want to be attracted to him. i want to lay with him and just think about things. i want him to like learning as much as i do and find my random knowledge of useless facts interesting, cute even. i want to feel comfortable around him when i’m high. i want him to let me know how much he loves me. i want him to have friends other than me but i still want him to pay a lot of attention to me… but not all the time. sometimes i want to have to fight for his attention but i want him to want that. i want him to text me when he wakes up just to say “good morning sunshine.” i don’t want him to be pissed off if i come off as needy on days that i crave attention. i want him to think i’m gorgeous and show me off to his friends. i want his friends to be slightly jealous. i want his friends to be friends with me. i want him to be friends with my friends. i want him to be okay with just cuddling. i want him to stroke the hair away from my face and put his arm around me. i want to hold hands. i want to have crazy, kinky sex. i don’t want to feel like he only wants me for my body and my willingness to have crazy, kinky sex. i want him to think the art that i do is beautiful. i want him to do art of some kind. i want him to treat the jungle friends the same way erin does. i want him to wear a bracelet if i make one for him. i want him to wear either one of my bracelets or one of my hair ties as a symbol of his affection for me. i want him to be okay with the weird things that i do. i want him to introduce me to his family. i want him to want to see me. and most of all, i want him to be real.
